Reclaim the Fun

In my last lesson I rode a horse named Lizzy, a pretty chestnut Arabian Saddlebred cross. She can be a challenging ride because she seems to be equal parts naughty old lesson pro and spazzy anxious green jumper. You have to be able to switch back and forth from giving stern corrections to being soft and encouraging. It's all about being speedy and accurate with swapping, and the timing is not easy.

Lizzy looking cute after the lesson

If I take a moment to think like this was happening to a friend, not me, here are some things I might say:

• That's cool, they must think you are a pretty good rider to put you on a challenging horse. 
• Wow, that sounds hard, did you survive?
• New horse, was she fun?
• Hey that's awesome, you've been wanting to get good at working with green horses

But as I was riding, I did not think any of these things to myself. Instead I got very discouraged and sucked a good chunk of potential fun out of my ride. Here's some of the thoughts I did have:

• You're not doing right by this horse
• You are hindering not helping her training
• You are not good at catch riding or riding green horses
• Your hands aren't soft enough, your balance not good enough, you're letting her refuse, catching her in the mouth, too slow to praise, too hard on her back, someone else should be on this horse

I would NEVER say any of these things to my friends. So why do I say them to myself? I know that my instructors would not assign me a horse I was not ready for. Nor would they let me continue to ride her if they felt I was doing her actual harm.

In reality everything that was happening was part of the normal learning process. Was I riding Lizzy perfectly? Heck no. Are there better riders that could get on and train her? Of course, always. Was it a problem that I was riding on her and we were learning together? Definitely not.

For some reason, the more I want something, (like to be a good catch rider, or green horse trainer) the more I expect myself to come in and be perfect at it. Which is obviously super unrealistic. So when my riding experience turns out to be the inevitable less than perfect, I set myself up for disappointment and frustration.

It doesn't matter how many lessons I take, how much my riding improves on a variety of lesson horses, it can't shortcut the learning process. Learning as much as I can about riding on well-trained (if sometimes naughty) horses is a great idea. It boosts my confidence, it creates a safer learning environment, it teaches me skills that do transfer over. But it is not the same thing as riding green horses!

The same can be said for catch riding. Riding a horse you've never met or ridden before is it's own skill. Some people have more natural talent for it than others. It can be practiced and learned. But it won't just appear overnight.

If it was easy to be a catch rider, easy to ride green horses, maybe I wouldn't want those things as much. I need to recognize that I am not doing badly at these things, I'm just still learning. Instead of seeing how much I've grown, I focus too much on what I haven't achieved, how much farther there is to go.

Remember when we first started, and just sitting on a horse and walking around was the best thing ever? It's the things we are learning to do that are the most fun. The things we've already learned can be great too, but don't be in a hurry to know it all. (Not that that's even possible)

Enjoy the journey because truthfully none of us NEED to know any of these things. Enjoying the learning process is the whole point.

Lizzy's post lesson snuggles were on point. Exactly what this struggling rider needed. 

Even though I felt tremendously discouraged at some point in the middle of my lesson on Lizzy, I didn't give up. I can definitely take pride in that. And when viewed with realistic expectations, I didn't even ride badly. Lizzy was maybe having a harder learning day herself, and I gave it the best I could.

The best thing we can do when we get into a riding funk, when we are saying mean things in our heads, is to stop and reach out. Let your instructor and your friends bring you back out into the real world.

They may have valuable advice or perspective. But even if they don't, just remembering that the world is full of other people, other horses, other problems, other joys, can really help. Reclaim the fun in learning to ride.