I am not suggesting that you strap a bean bag to your butt when you next go riding. Actually, scratch that, I am suggesting you do that, but also please video it and send it to me. No but really, the magic bean bag butt is a new visual I came up with recently for having a softer/better seat while riding. It's rather unconventional, but it makes for a good (and funny) visual. Let me delve into why having a soft seat is so hard and some misconceptions I had (have?) a little bit and then I will explain the bean bag butt. Just hear me out on this one.
Trying Too Hard is Making Me Worse?
I am characteristically a very stiff rider. When I ride I generally hear a lot: have a softer seat, relax, just melt into the saddle, stop bracing, don't be so tense. It can be a little frustrating because it's not an easy to follow instruction. I also often get told to close my fingers on the reins. I might have to be told twenty thousand times because I forget after about five seconds, but I can do it, temporarily, every time I'm reminded to, so it's not such a frustrating thing to try to learn. How do I relax? Why is this such an elusive concept to me? In moments of upset frustration with myself (a relatively common lesson emotion I've found) my trainer has kindly explained that stiffness (and the accompanying frustration) generally come with a certain learning style of some riders. I think it's probably usually associated with being fairly Type-A.
So the plus sides to this stiff learning style? I'm focused, self-aware, I retain a lot of information, and my equitation generally isn't total shit. Now the somewhat decent equitation is probably because I'm a little too focused on the "right" way to do things: are my wrists straight? are my reins even? heels down? shoulders back? shoulders in line with hips and heels? using enough outside rein?
Now no one is going to say it's bad to work on your equitation, but the problem becomes, when you are so focused on holding yourself in the right position, you inherently become stiff and to some degree you become an unresponsive rider. I wonder if they did a study if there would be a positive correlation between the stiffness of the rider and their grade point average. It's like by trying to be textbook perfect as possible (which seems like it should be a great way to be the best you can be) you've actually turned yourself into an equitation statue. And statues just don't ride horses well. The other problem is by thinking so hard about all the equitation pieces your brain is overloaded with a laundry list of body parts to check and fix. And while it's so overloaded with the thinking aspects of riding, what it's not doing is feeling the horse under you, which is an equally important aspect to riding (I know it's important but I can't study it in a book or online so it's so much harder to learn!)
I should stop and note here that the type-A, perfectionist style of rider I'm describing above is not the only reason a rider might struggle with tension. There are lots of other reasons. If you've had a fall recently, or a bad accident in the past, fear will cause you to stiffen up as an early stage of the fight or flight instinct. Or even if you haven't had a traumatic past experience, you may experience some form of riding anxiety. Worrying about what might or could happen are also stiffness triggers. And of course, for those of us who are not still young, bendy children, our bodies may in fact just be stiff! My point is lots of us are stiff. (Have I said "stiff" yet enough?)
When a Wall Turns Out to be a Hill
Alright this is a slight tangent story, but I promise it's relevant! Prior to the past few years of consistent riding lessons, I have never ever considered myself anything close to athletic. I grew up as a band geek, an art kid, and a prolific reader. (Nothing wrong with that!) Anything that required coordination, or god-forbid, actual hustle, was decidedly not my forte.
So with every sport I tried growing up (softball, ballet, gymnastics, volleyball, etc.) there was always a point where I felt like I maxed out, I could go no further. Now it's not that I truly believed that I couldn't do more with these sports, but I lacked natural talent so my progress was slow and eventually it would stop being fun. I'm sure if I had a genuine interest or love for any of these sports I could have continued with them. The natural aptitude isn't really required, just persistence and practice. But instead I always just said, hey this isn't my thing, finished out whatever season, and moved on to try something else. After all, there was always so much more to try.
Three years ago when I started consistently horseback riding as an adult, I hit a new record of longest time I've persisted with a sport. And maybe a year into riding, I started to go through a phase where I was increasingly worried that I might hit a wall soon, might reach that maxed out point. I just kept thinking that I have very limited athletic abilities, I've long since learned this about myself, and that it was only a matter of time before I would reach the extent of them and stop making measurable forward progress.
Well that thinking eventually metastasized into having meltdowns in almost every lesson because I had found out what the stopping point would be for me: flexibility. We would talk a lot in lessons about having a soft seat and going with the horse. And I was really struggling to make any progress on this. I was always too stiff, needed to relax, just go with the horse, but I couldn't seem to make it happen.
Now I already knew from past experience with ballet and yoga that I have very tight hips and hip flexors compared to whatever we might consider an "average" person. So I came to the misinformed conclusion that a good seat, a soft seat was related to hip and low back flexibility. That's why some people have a naturally good seat and some have to learn it. But if my ability to progress as a rider is limited by the flexibility of my hips then we are indeed going to have very slow progress and a very short trajectory. Because while there is of course room for improvement in hip flexibility and range of motion, there are some physical factors of genetics and body structures that are undeniable.
So with this thought process on board, every time I had trouble with something in a lesson, I would get unreasonably upset and ultimately have a meltdown. (By the way, I love feeling like a complete child because I'm crying during my lesson *insert sarcasm*. I constantly have to remind myself this isn't baseball. Crying is totally allowed, even for the big girls. And I know because my trainer told me so.) The problem was that every time I had trouble with something instead of feeling like it was something I was trying to learn and just hadn't gotten the hang of yet, it felt like something I couldn't do because I just wasn't built to be flexible enough. Which had a snowball effect because then I would get upset because it felt like my options were stay at this skill-level forever, or quit, neither of which I was ready to do.
Finally, after I don't know how many lessons of crying something my trainer said finally clicked. I really doubt it was anywhere near the first time she had said it either. But it finally clicked that being flexible and being able to relax are not the same thing! (I do need to take a moment to be incredibly grateful that I have such a kind and patient trainer. Or really trainers. Because CEC has at least three and they are all wonderful.) So this may seem super obvious to you but it was such a breakthrough for me I'm going to say it again: flexibility and relaxation are not the same thing! It doesn't matter if I will never be able to do the splits or touch my forehead to my knees. Whatever length of muscles, ligaments, tendons you have, the only thing that matters is your ability to release the tension in them on command. It's certainly not easy to do, and really you need to selectively relax some parts of your body and strengthen others, but it's something I can work on. It's actually more of a mind game than anything to do with physical capability.
So here's the point of this long tangent: do not worry if you feel old, stiff, and/or inflexible. Having a softer seat is about relaxing, which all of us can do if we can figure out how to tell our brains! It may take years but the great news is that it's a hill not a wall.
Overthinking at it's Finest
Prior to my long-ass tangent we were talking about how being stiff can make you unresponsive as a rider. Mentally you may be trying your hardest to do the right things and be "with" your horse. But if you're like me trying hard might mean thinking hard: did I use the right aids, was that enough leg, did I use too much rein, did I cue too late, why couldn't I keep my balance there, etc. My brain is always trying to do way too much and that brain busyness gets in the way of the more important part where I need my hips and low back to follow and respond to the movements the horse is making. It's really hard to learn because I know I need to keep my core engaged and keep my shoulders tall and back, but I can't let that strength make my hips, elbows, and knees become rigid.
Sometimes when I'm watching riders I consider to be more successful than me (higher jumps, harder horses, etc.) it seems like their equitation really isn't that great. And here it's where I'm starting to realize that I need to let go of the idea that the better your equitation is the better you are as a rider. The truth of it is that equitation is a polishing effect, but rigidly "correct" isn't what actual gets the job done when it comes to riding.
My trainer has told me, you can't physically grip yourself onto the horse. Your legs aren't what's keeping you on the horse, it's your seat. That was a little hard for me to wrap my brain around but I think it's kind of like trying to get a clothespin on a cork. If the clothespin is big enough and long enough compared to the cork it might grip tightly on there. But more than likely the tighter it clamps on the cork the more it squeezes itself off the top. She told me it's your seat that keeps you on, but I think maybe in this case your seat is also including the upper body attached to it. I'm betting in every instance of falling it didn't much matter what your legs were doing, it had to do with where your upper body went. And sure if your legs fly out behind you like superman over a jump that can put your upper body in instant trouble, but in general its not your legs that matter. And if it's important to keep your upper body upright relative to the horse, then the thing really keeping you on is the thing in between the two: your seat.
Learning to Soften and Relax
So now I've let my overactive brain think all around this concept that your seat is what keeps you on the horse not your legs. I understand the concept. I understand why being soft and relaxed through your seat and going with your horse is important. But how on earth do I make that happen? I love concrete directions like lower your hands because even though it's hard to maintain, I can do that. How do I soften and relax on command?
Well I can tell you what doesn't work. Don't just demand of yourself that you relax and then get upset and frustrated when it doesn't happen. Because that is a vicious cycle that I am very familiar with. Also don't tell yourself that if you can't figure out how to relax you will never get to be a better rider or get to ride X horse that you want to, because that is also not helpful. Additionally, if you are tense because you are a little afraid I don't recommend telling yourself that by getting more tense you are riding worse and therefore even more likely to screw up and fall. Not. Helpful.
So what is helpful? Well I don't actually know. If I did then I would already be a pro at this which I'm clearly not. But here is what I have been trying lately that seems to be on the right track. I've been buying free (uninstructed) rides and trying to ride bareback as much as possible. I find that without the saddle in the way I feel the horse much more clearly. I do a lot of walking and trotting and only canter if I'm feeling adventurous or it seems fun. I don't put a lot of pressure on myself to structure these rides or reach a certain level of exercise for me or the horse. Instead I try to focus on what I feel, what muscles I can relax, and I try to pay attention for when I might be feeling insecure or gripping on the horse. Usually during a lesson I feel like I can be relatively relaxed if everything is going well, but when I have to add leg aids I instantly lose that sense of relaxation. So in my bareback rides I might try making serpentines or circles and try to find out how to add strength in my leg without tightening my hips.
If the arena is relatively unoccupied and I trust the horse I'm on pretty well I've played around with closing my eyes (at the walk) and see how that increases what I feel. Be a little careful with this as it can be a bit disorienting. I like asking for a stop with my eyes closed and see how still I can be with my body while still remaining relaxed. (I'm not at all good at this yet). I also like to sometimes drop my reins and stretch my arms straight out to the sides. It seems like this instantly puts my sternum and shoulders in a better position but also seems to change my lower back and hip angle and adds tension. I'm still playing with the placement of all that and what changes and why. Basically I just play around with the horse, relax and enjoy his company, and try to feel what's under and around me.
If you're like me and don't own a horse then you know that even sitting on a horse costs money. I already pump quite a bit of money into lessons and shows so I don't always have extra funds available to lease a horse or buy free rides. But I have found some things you can try without the horse. An exercise ball is great for these things but there's lots you can do just by playing around and with how your body is connected to itself.
If you sit on the floor with your legs outstretched roll your feet on your heels so that your toes first point towards each other and then away from each other (think between 10 and 2 on a clock face.) Now try to make the same motion but instead of moving your feet/ankles try to start the movement by rotating your hip bone in it's socket. When you are standing try pointing your toes slightly in and feel what your seat bones are doing. Then point your toes out instead and feel what that changes in your seat bones. Then with your toes both pointing forward try rolling your ankles slightly in and then slightly out and see what effect that has on your seat bones. The idea is to discover all the ways that your feet, ankles, knees, hips, and seat bones are interconnected, both to realize that tiny changes like changing your foot angle in the stirrup can have a relatively large impact on your seat, and also to realize that your horse is sensitive to and can feel these same tiny changes.
Easier Said Than Done
Sometimes it can feel overwhelming to me to realize the impact that even tiny changes in my ankle can make to my seat. But I have to remind myself this isn't a more detailed list of body parts to try to monitor and control. We've already established that doesn't help you ride better. Instead I try to remember these things when I have an idle moment in the saddle. Maybe I'm between courses in a lesson and waiting for my turn. Am I feeling a little "perched" on the horse? Now I know I can play with the angle and rotation of my feet in the stirrups or maybe try rotating my hips in their sockets to see if I can find a deeper seat. And my number one go-to when I'm feeling at all tight, tense, nervous, whatever is to take a deep breath, one that pushes out my diaphragm, and on the exhale just let my low back and seat bones relax along with my lungs and diaphragm.
The idea isn't to focus on any of these things while you are riding but just passively every once in a while try to assume a "relaxed" state and hopefully it will get a little more automatic over time. I always have to remember to be patient with myself. I want a better seat right now, but it most certainly will not happen overnight, in a week, or even in a month. It seems to be one of those things where the more I want it, the more I try for it, the more elusive it is. So instead I just try to be mindful of my tension. The best thing I've found so far is just to come up with a little cue I can give myself when I know I'm feeling tense to try to remember the moments of relaxation I've discovered here and there in my bareback rides. And here is where the bean bag butt comes into play!
Bean Bag Butt vs. Basketball Butt
The cue to myself I've currently settled on is think have a bean bag butt not a basketball butt. When I get tense and my body stiffens up, one of the things that happens is that my seat bones squeeze together and I've effectively turned my butt into a basketball (or we can say soccer ball if that makes you feel a little better?) Now if you imagine trying to get a basketball to stay on a horse by itself, you would have to have it very carefully balanced and readjust that balance with every single side-to-side or forward or back movement the horse makes.
A basketball is rubber so it has some flexibility but it is ultimately a fixed shape and will always be trying to get back to it's correct form. So once the horse starts to trot and we add in up and down movement, the basketball is going to absorb the upward energy but because it is stiff and trying to regain it's normal shape (e.g. proper equitation) that energy will rebound towards the saddle and bounce the basketball off. I think this is why we will sometimes see a "floppy" rider that may not be very strong or perfectly controlled/balanced but they don't necessarily fall as often as an equitation-focused rider because the floppy rider is more able to go with the horse's movement.
Ok so back to when I'm riding. I've gotten nervous and tensed which has narrowed my base (tightened hips and seat bones) and now I am the equivalent to a basketball trying to stay on a horse. But I definitely want to stay on and go with this horse! So I'm thinking now if I don't want to be a basketball, what kind of metaphor am I aiming for here. I need a wider base, not so round but not flat either, flexible, not rigid but also having some stability... aha! I need my butt to be a bean bag! Pretend your seat is one of those bean bag pillows. Those microbeads or whatever magic stuff is in those pillows can adjust to be any shape to match the pressure it's receiving. Meanwhile the fabric has stretch (aka flexibility) but still holds the beads into a shape so they don't just spill everywhere.
So whenever I'm finding that the words sit deep, relax, sink, melt, loosen your hips, etc. are just not connecting me to the relaxed feeling I need, I try to remember this beanbag metaphor and it usually helps. At the very least I think the funny visual of it gets my brain to stop being such a taskmaster for a little bit. I haven't figured out the metaphor for what's attached to your bean bag butt, but it's definitely something more solid up in the core, spine, and shoulders area. I can't imagine an entire bean bag person would stay on a horse all that well after all.
I bet now you are saying, man I need my very own bean bag butt! Well just remember all you have to do is get some bareback rides, play around with seat bone position at home, breathe deep, and don't try too hard! Once you get that "relaxed" feeling for even a second that's all you need. If you get it for a second here and a second there, slowly but surely with time you will develop a better seat (at least that's what I keep telling myself.)
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